Reviews
Tammy Lenski's Conflict Zen Review
A is for Asshole: The Grownups’ ABCs of Conflict Resolution, written by my California colleague and friend Victoria Pynchon, is like a breath of fresh conflict resolution air. Working from Asshole to Drama Queen to Questioner to Zen Master, Vickie takes our experiences of conflict and invites us to think more deeply about them, turns traditional thinking on its head, and opens up a vast territory of possibility in the process.
But here’s what I love almost as much as I love that Vickie is striving to change the way we think about conflict: Vickie’s writing style is very direct (how could it not be, with a title like that?) and yet very kind and loving. She doesn’t beat around the bush and wades unflinchingly into difficult waters she wants you to enter too – yet she does so in a way that makes it clear she has vast compassion and love for her readers. That’s a tough balance to pull off and Vickie does it with elegance.
The Grownups’ ABCs of Conflict Resolution is a fun, informative and easily digestible read, but don’t take that to mean it’s not worth savoring. This is the kind of book you’ll want to keep on your shelf for future reference and give to your family, friends and colleagues so you have a shared language about conflict.
Chris Hill’s Construction Law Musings
Are you a lawyer, real estate pro, contractor, or just a person negotiating his or her way through life? If you didn’t answer “yes” to this question, I would be surprised. We don’t all think of ourselves as negotiators or mediators, but any attorney or individual who has to work through any situation of conflict (whether a crowded parking lot, an employment review or request for a raise) “negotiates” multiple times a day. As they often say, acknowledgment is the first step to enlightenment (or something like that!).
When I was sent a copy of A is for Asshole: The Grownups’ ABC’s of Conflict Resolution by its author, my good friend, fellow attorney, and mediator extraordinaire Victoria Pynchon (@vickiepynchon on Twitter), I was flattered. When she asked me to write a “blurb” for inclusion in the book, I was floored.
A reading of this advanced copy (and the published version with its great illustrations), gave even a seasoned construction attorney, former psychology major at Duke University, and mediation advocate some thoughts to chew on. Vickie takes a “primer” type approach to the vast field of psychological and practical factors that create conflict in our lives. Her approach to this serious subject (one that permeates my construction practice on a regular basis) uses day to day situations (whether the above-mentioned crowded parking lot or a harried mom dealing with a sibling argument after the fact) to illustrate concepts in a way that makes the reader (in this case me) smile and have multiple “AHA!” moments.
The use of an “ABC” type structure of short chapters and concrete examples that make you smile (or sometimes blush) from the kinship you feel with the subject of that chapter, whether “L is for Lawyer” or “F is for Friend” makes the advice and insight concrete in a way that frankly surprised me in its candor and digestibility. The book really does break down what could be a dull subject discussed in a psychology or sociology class into an enjoyable read. With each page, I either thought “I know that guy” or “Wow, am I like that?” I’m sure you will have the same reaction. The insights from this great book can only help in my day to day construction law practice.
If you haven’t gathered by now, I like the book and recommend it to lawyers and anyone who wants insight into dealing with the many characters and situations that we all encounter on a daily basis.
Joe Markowitz's Mediation Place
Only a fearless writer would title her book “A is for Asshole.” I know Vickie Pynchon mainly as a fellow mediation blogger. Because I follow her blog, I can attest that she does not shy away from controversial topics, or refrain from telling you what she thinks. She also offers a lot of sound advice about the practice of mediation. Her book is an entertaining, and highly personal tour of the characters and problems you meet in conflict resolution.
The book’s first surprise is that the asshole is not who you think it is. The asshole of the book’s title only appears to be the brash, inconsiderate lout you dread meeting in a negotiation. Instead he might be a complete innocent whom you mistook for an inconsiderate lout. And if you misread the situation, which is always a distinct possibility, Vickie forces you to consider that you yourself might be the asshole. Or at least that you might appear that way to the other side. Or perhaps, she suggests, the asshole could be viewed as the dispute itself.
By the time I reached the end of the alphabet, and learned that conflict is the Zen master, I felt like I had not only lived through Vickie’s variant of the conflicts we all experience in life; but also learned such tidbits as how she helped her father build a brick wall, negotiated her own divorce, and preserved important friendships. In the process, I was continually reminded that we have to put aside our pre-conceived notions and explore
